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Crazy Cat Lady Theories

We have a puppy.

A 10 week old German Shepherd named Misha.

Isn't she cute?

I wrote, not so long ago, about not being a dog person.

Its ok, everyone told me, once you have a puppy you’ll fall in love with it.

Lies.

A puppy takes work. It needs to be fed, taken outside, walked, played with, trained, loved, loved, and oh my god just love it some more because it’s not quite sure you love it enough.

So far, I enjoy aspects of having a puppy. I like walking around my neighbourhood with her. I like training her to do new things. I’m sure I’ll even eventually like the company she’ll provide. But what seems to be missing is the joy that I’m supposed to feel from having a creature to take care of. CJ is thrilled with the puppy. He’s been getting up in the middle of the night to let her pee. He cleans up her messes. He is concerned with vet visits and what the dog should and shouldn’t be doing. I mostly view the dog as an inconvenience in my day.

I’m not surprised by the amount of work a puppy takes. I was fully warned. CJ was fully warned. We both agreed to commit to taking care of the puppy so we did. I view her as a chore, something that needs to be done that I’ve committed to – like eating healthy – sure I don’t hate it but I’d rather not be doing it.

Here’s the thing about me: I don’t like taking care of other things. I don’t have that maternal instinct that makes me go all gooey when a baby is around. While I’m good at taking care of other creatures (really good actually) I don’t enjoy it. I prefer to work by myself, not on a team. While I have a natural tendency to lead (being a type A control freak) I will step away from a management role because I don’t like to deal with other people’s problems. I expect too much from small children and small animals. And I don’t receive any joy from being needed by something. I find it a nuisance.

This complete selfishness is the reason I won’t have children (maybe I’ll grow out of it but I doubt it). Unless something’s on my schedule doing what I want or leaving me alone I want nothing to do with it. (Insight into mine and CJ’s relationship – we’re adults, we do what we want, when we want to do the same things we do, when we don’t want the same things we don’t do it together).

This leads to my crazy cat theory: (OF COURSE I HAVE A CRAZY CAT THEORY!)

Children take a lot of work. Those with children have infinite amounts of time and energy to give to raising their children. They are patient and kind, receiving a true joy out of taking care of another being. (There are also those who have children because they need to be needed, or for a social obligation, or due to poor sexual education, but let’s leave that for another day, I only want to address the good parents here).

Those with only dogs, tend to be caretakers but with a lesser degree of dedication. They want something to take care of but without the commitment of 18+ years and a few hundred thousand dollars.

Those with a cat are like me. Selfish people who attempt to prove they aren’t selfish by having another creature to take care. Except with a cat you can fill up its dish and leave it for the weekend. Or get a friend to check in on it once a day and feed it. Little effort. Low maintenance. Proves you aren’t a psychopath because you take care of another animal without killing it.  A cat is also good for keeping you from being too lonely. Something to pass the time until you find a man to procreate and have multiple babies. If that’s your style. Personally I use mine to kill the mice and prove I’m not heartless.

Crazy cat ladies? What happens when you started with a cat to keep you from being lonely in your early 20s only to slip into your 30s and 40s without a husband or children? You get multiple cats to fill that void of being wanted; of needing to take care of something. It takes a minimum of five cats to equal the energy needed for one puppy. Three puppies and I think you probably have the energy needed for a baby.

My sister with three children thinking about a fourth? In another lifetime, one without children and a husband, she would have 15-20 cats.

Think about it.

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Free Fat Cat to Good Home.

This was my morning.

There isn’t enough coffee in the world to fix the lack of sleep.