Muse. Ramble. Rant. Repeat

Valentine’s Day – what not to gift

You shouldn’t give a blowjob for Valentine’s Day.
(That sound you just heard? Was my three male readers snapping to attention and declaring me an enemy – give me a chance to explain boys, I promise you’ll like my message).

Listen ladies, I’m all for pleasing your man. In fact, most of your probably don’t go down on your boyfriend enough. You probably don’t have sex often enough either (how much is often enough? Think about how often you have sex – do you immediately make excuses for that number? – like “well we’ve both been really tired lately, we’re on different schedules” – if so, you aren’t having enough sex).

Since most of you aren’t having enough sex (or having really dull sex) when special occasions come around your other half dutifully presents you with flowers and then promptly expects you to get down on your knees. In my books there is nothing worse than this exchange. I/you should be getting presents because I/you are pretty, adorable and awesome. Not because there is a promise of sex attached to it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having sex on Valentine’s Day I just don’t think you should be doing it because you feel obligated to do it.

Valentine’s Day was invented for those tired couples who don’t take enough time out for each other due to real obligations (otherwise known as ankle-biters). It’s a day for those people to reconnect and find time to have sex. For us young and obligation-free (childless) couples Valentine’s Day should be about ordering in greasy Chinese and having regular sex – in other words it should be like any other Sunday.

If the only time you two take time to have fantastic sex is during the high holy holidays of couples – you are doing it wrong. You should be having that type of sex at least once a month (if not more often). There should be no expectation of special occasion sex because you are having enough awesome sex that there is nothing special about it. I cry on the inside every time a girlfriend tells me that she has sex every Sunday afternoon and it’s always the same. I cry harder when it’s once a month, once every three months, once a year, never.

If the reason you’re not having sex is because it doesn’t rock your world then you need to do this really simple thing and talk to your boyfriend about it. You don’t like that tongue flicking thing he does when he kisses you? Say something along the lines of “I love kisses where you don’t flick your tongue into my mouth”. I know shockingly easy right? It’s really impressive how far honesty will take you to better sex (if you can’t have an honest conversation with your beloved that’s a whole ‘nother topic for a whole ‘nother day). I hate hearing the words “Everything is awesome but if he could just do X, it would be better”. You know what I do when I want CJ to do X? I bribe him. I tell him if he does X, I’ll do Y and then we’re both happy (yes life really is a giant math problem to me).

And men? You know how to fix this whole “not getting enough head” issue you are so fond of complaining about? You don’t need flowers – you just need to go down on her! (See X+Y=O)

So, stop saving the good stuff for once a year. Go home tonight and have a sexy good time. Then do it again next week and the week after that. Continue doing it until you can laugh when someone mentions have “special Valentine’s Day sex” because you are getting it all the time.


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  1. * andhari says:

    AYE AYE. I’m with this 100%. I’m not gonna accept flowers or gifts if it means obligatory blow jobs.

    You got me laughing on giving head part. Most guys dont like doing it but expect girls to give them blowjobs. Delusional much?

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 9 months ago
  2. * theweightofitall says:

    LOL. Amen, sista.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 9 months ago

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