Muse. Ramble. Rant. Repeat



Thumbsuckers, landlovers and hookers

Last night CJ and I are getting ready for bed. Bedtime is my favourite time of day – it’s when CJ and I reconnect, we talk about our day, about random things, and all the naughty stuff goes down at bedtime. Last night was a talking night. I was, as usual, slathering lotion all over myself, concentrating on my hands and in particular my right hand thumb.

 CJ: I wonder why your hands get so dry in the winter. You’re the most paranoid person I know about wearing gloves.
Me: Well my right hand is trouble because of the thumbsucking.
CJ: Thumbsucking?
Me: Yah, I sucked my thumb until I was 7 or so an every winter since my thumb gets dry and cracks in the winter.
CJ: You’ve never told me that before…
Me: you’ve never asked.

 … (a few minutes later) …

 Me: we should switch sides. I don’t like sleeping by the heater. It gets too warm at night.
CJ: Can’t. Gotta face the water when I sleep and you always sleep turned in. And neither of us likes face to face.
Me: Face the water?
CJ: I fall asleep facing the harbour every night.
Me: (thinking of every apartment we lived in and realizing the side he sleeps on depends on the direction of the harbour) I never knew that…
CJ: You’ve never asked.

 …(random conversation, rather dull)…

 CJ: Do you have any cash? I want to get a coffee tomorrow morning.
Me: Yah, I have a $5 in my wallet. Take it before you go.
CJ: Thanks.
Me: You know, I am always giving you cash, I feel like a sugar mama.
CJ: Sorry, some of us don’t have time to do whatever we want during the day, like go to the bank*
Me: I should be receiving services for my money.
This launched a giant conversation of how much our sexual services would be worth, relative to each other and other people. Final decision: CJ would be $50/hour, $300 for the night. I’d be $100/hour, $500 for the night. I could go into a social commentary of the relative prices of male vs female hookers, but I won’t.

And they say you’ll run out of things to talk about after years of being together….

 *CJ appreciates my self-employment (and my pay cheque) but sometimes when I talk about what I read on the internet all day or groceries purchased at 10am or tickets received while getting coffee downtown at 2pm, he thinks that I don’t actually work all that hard. Which is kinda-sorta-true.

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Comments

  1. * andhari says:

    I happen to think it’s very cute that you and your man still have lots of things to talk to, and they’re super hilarious. Thanks for giving me insight about hourly sexual favor by the way, I need to discuss it with my girl friends hahahahaa

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 10 months ago
    • * mmacc says:

      I’ve been informed that our estimates are a little low. But we do live in a really tiny university city filled with bars so we added a “You can get it free anytime anyways” factor.

      | Reply Posted 7 years, 10 months ago
  2. I sucked my thumb ’til I was 12! No jokes! You two sound adorable :)

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 10 months ago
    • * mmacc says:

      Thanks :)

      Do you ever have issues with thumb cracking or dryness? I know you live where it’s sunny all the time… sooo… you probably don’t get a chance to have your skin dry out….

      | Reply Posted 7 years, 10 months ago
  3. * Tony says:

    You and CJ sound eerily similar to my wife and I. We have the most random conversations at bedtime…sometimes its the cause of us not getting enough sleep.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 10 months ago


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