Muse. Ramble. Rant. Repeat

It’s spelt L-A-M-E for a reason. The accent doesn’t mean anything.

Current fashions (skinny jeans, leggings, empire waisted anything, neutral colours, flowing shirts, oversized sweaters and anything lamé, embellished or sparkly) are simply not made for a tall, curvy, pale girl.

Positive Thinking:
Well, I shouldn’t be buying new clothing anyways. I’ll take this as a sign that my current wardrobe is good enough and my bank account will thank me.

Negative Thinking:
Put down the carrot sticks fat girl. You clearly are not dieting hard enough. If you stop eating altogether you might lose a few inches in height, a couple of cup sizes and more than a few pounds. Then everything will fit you.

Delusional Thinking:
The clothing industry is out to get us… there is a giant conspiracy of trying to make people look as horrible as possible before the clothing apocalypse. This is when a giant sewing machine will come from the sky and judge those who jumped on the hideous fashion bandwagon. Those who stuck to classic lines and cuts will be rewarded with wealth and prosperity, those who disobeyed fashion gods will be forced to watch reruns of What Not To Wear for eternity.

No, my recent trip to the mall didn’t go well… how could you tell?


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