Muse. Ramble. Rant. Repeat



Passive Aggressive Note Writing.

Perhaps it’s because I’m in such a cranky mood lately but I wish that I could write a letter and those little annoying things in life would stop happending.

Dear Guy who Drives CJ to work:

                Look, I appreciate that you and CJ carpool every day. I’m happy that CJ doesn’t have to take our one and only car leaving me stranded in the apartment all day with only the bus to get me from point A to point B. I really appreciate it, I really do. I know how much it must suck to have to drive an hour to get to the job site, work for 10 hours and then drive another hour home. I get it. I really do. But this ridiculous rule you have about not being able to drive five minutes out of your way to pick CJ up in the morning and drop him off at night? I am really starting to get annoyed at it. The fact that I need to crawl out of bed at 5:20am to drive my boyfriend to your house so that you two can leave at 5:25am really pisses me off. I’m a girl who enjoys her sleep and cannot fall back asleep once she has woken up and gotten out of bed.

Would it really kill you to leave your house 5 minutes earlier and pick CJ up? And then at the end of the day drop him off back at home? I just can’t understand what type of selfish asshole you are – your mileage is being paid for by the company so really there is no excuse for you not to get CJ.

And so help me god, if this continues when we live a mere 3 minutes from your house I will lose it.
On you.  Probably at the next company function. Be warned.

Sincerely,
Martina

 

Dear Checkout Chick who works in the store at my office:

                You’re always so friendly and helpful, with a constant smile on your face. I know how hard it is to work in retail. I myself did it for years – but do you mind doing just two tiny things for me?
1. Please memorize the following: When I give you $2 for an item that costs $1.45 you should give me back $0.55. Not $0.65 or $0.45 but $0.55. Diet coke isn’t a commodity with changing prices; the price is the same every day. I’m tired of having to correct you – especially since the cash register is telling you the amount of change to give back to me.

2. Please stop commenting on how much Diet Coke I purchase. I know I have a problem. I’ve been aware of it for years. I really don’t need you to make the same lame joke every time I purchase a bottle.  “This stuff will give you cancer! Ahahaha” isn’t funny. In fact, in order for aspartame to be cancerous you need to consume something like 1000 cans of diet coke a day. (You know how I know this? My friend did a paper on it for grade 11 biology because she too was concerned about my diet coke intake). So please stop with the joke. Besides I know for a fact you smoke. Bitch.

Thank you,
Martina

 

Dear Diet Coke Stealing Doctor:

You drive a freaking Lexus. I drive a Hyundai. Based on this, I’m going to assume that you can afford to purchase more diet coke than I can. Please cease and desist. If something is labelled “MARTINA” in the fridge you should use those doctor smarts of yours and assume that Martina wants to drink said item sometime later in the day.

Fuck off,
Martina

Passive aggressive note writing does make me feel better.

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Comments

  1. * Lindsay says:

    The diet coke stealing doc is such a jerkass. You should confront him, I bet he would be so sheepish. It would be hilarious. And then demand that he reimburse you.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 7 months ago


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