Muse. Ramble. Rant. Repeat

The One in which I’m Irrationally Angry.

I don’t know everything about the situation. I only know her side of it; and even then I know she isn’t telling me all. I know I’m wrong about a lot, but again, I don’t have to be right, this is my forum to speak. You had your say, now I will have mine.

You think you know her so well. And you are wrong. I can tell from how you speak of her that you don’t actually know my friend. You’ve done that thing that every boy does when he is around a pretty girl – romanticized her, made her into your image of beauty and stopped seeing her.

When I first met her, I too was stricken by her. She has that magnetic personality that so many of us wish we had; people gravitate towards her. Her attention makes you feel special.

We met at a going away party for a mutual friend. Over vodka-crans we vowed to become best friends when our friend moved away. Usually these are drunken vows that are forgotten the next morning – but we recognized a connection and became drinking friends. Our first text messages to each other are literally “You’re AWESOME!” and “I LOVE YOU!”

Nights out on the town quickly turned into movie nights. We both have this soft spot for rom-coms and laughing at inappropriate times. Somewhere between movies and drinking we bared our souls to each other. I have seen her at her highest highs and lowest lows. She has been there for mine too – held me when I felt there was no hope and squealed with joy when there was. I love throughout it all. But then again, I knew we had chemistry the minute we met.

When you found her, you must have known she was hurting. You know her through her writing – beautiful and sorrowful – she bares truth I dare not. I could never write as honestly as she does. As you wooed her, struck a connection, talked, you gave her the attention she needed. You lifted her up a little – I won’t deny this. There was even a chance it might work out between you two… but…. but…

She blames herself for this mess. You do too. It’s arrogant to believe that because you want her it’s enough. Chemistry is a funny thing. You can have a connection of with someone – but without that spark it won’t work. Both need to feel it. Two to tango, Romeo and Juliet, clichés indeed but always in a pair. Sometimes the stars align, the moon, sun, sunshine and puppies. But…but… most of the time it’s heartache, tears and pain. It was a chance you both took and I applaud the courage to do so.

Nearly everyone falls in love with her. I’m offended you think you are the only one who knows her, gets her. If you ever knew her, you would know that to force her into something that only you believed in was ridiculous. She doesn’t have to give it more time because she knows her heart. Have some faith in her; know that perhaps she knows what is best in this situation.

Once upon a time, I too thought myself broken. I blamed myself for all the wrongs and took each failure in love as a personal loss. What took me so long to learn was that when the right one comes around it doesn’t matter. The struggle inside yourself ceases and you fall in love. Without hesitation, without boundaries.

When that happens – and I believe everyone has the chance to have this happen – all of this heartache and struggle will be well worth it. I promise.


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