Muse. Ramble. Rant. Repeat

The Hitch List

I’ve just stumbled across the most interesting blog.  The idea behind The Hitch List is to do various things before one gets married. Started by someone who just wants to make her way in the world, I find the idea interesting. But at first I was completely insulted.

 Why is it that one insists that by settling down you can not experience life anymore? That you need to have all your shit figured out before you commit? Can one who gets married, or for that matter be in a relationship, never again have an adventure?

 Full disclosure time:

I’m getting married in June 2010. I met CJ when I was 19 years old. Within two months we had fallen in love and moved in together. Seriously. We have that sickening relationship that my girlfriends talk about being perfect. We aren’t perfect but we do have an awesome relationship that allows us to have personal freedom. We have both done amazing things together and apart in our five years together.

 So, going into reading the blog I had my guard up a bit. I was ready to trash this idea completely as a waste of time – part of the “I need to discover myself” bullshit that so many of us claim to need in our lives when really we can’t face ourselves in the mirror, accept and love that person as is.

 Then I read the smart and witty writing. I read the list very carefully. Realization: I’ve done most items on this list. At least those that interest me. While I don’t think they are required to be done while being single (save those that are about fooling around with other people) I think they are important enough to be done before walking down an aisle in an expensive white dress.    

I forget, when I’m on my high and mighty horse of relationship advice, that most people haven’t had a wild 18th year filled with enough scandal to give one’s mother a heart attack.  I forget that most people aren’t stubborn like me and have no problem with saying to their significant others “I’m going to run off to Manhattan for a month – you can cover rent right?” Or “Sweetie, I’m quitting my job and starting my own business – cool?” Or be able to stay calm when he comes to you and says “I want to marry you but if you want me to spend that much money on a diamond you best be getting me something fantastic too” or “I’m having a boys night tonight – can you leave the apartment?”

 Mostly, I forget that people often forget who they are when they are in a relationship. That they aren’t comfortable with being themselves with another person – showing their true colours, all of their crazy cards and hoping that the other person will love them anyway.

 Good luck with the Hitch List Polly. Hopefully you find what you are looking for while you are doing it.


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