Muse. Ramble. Rant. Repeat


Lobster Red.

This morning I finished a huge project that has consumed my life for the past week. It’s such a sense of accomplishment to finish something before the sun even rises. I think everyone should try it once.

What? You kids don’t wake up in the middle of the night in a panic and need to finish your work when you have a deadline looming? Huh? Silly… what are you doing? Sleeping at 4am? Waste of time.

Before I started working for myself I would do the normal thing of working 9am-5pm and then I would leave all my work on my desk in my windowless office and be done with it until the next morning. Now, I have deadlines, clients and no regular paycheck so I find myself working All.Of.The.Time. It has left me very little time this summer to do anything fun…

…Which explains how I got lobster red sailing on Sunday. CJ’s parents own a sailboat and it was the first time all summer I got out on the water. Despite applying SPF45 every two hours to every inch of exposed skin I still somehow managed to burn. I laughed at SPF85 but you better believe I’m going to get me a bottle before I spend any more time in the sun. My skin is painful and I have strange tan lanes (apparently the sunscreen worked some of the time). So I’ve been bitching about it to anyone who will listen and bathing myself in aloe vera…

…Which explains why I was laying on my sofa in only my underwear with my curtains wide open and fan blasting in the patio window. We have this huge common area patio that goes out about 20 feet or so – so if our neighbors are at the end of their portion of the patio they can look back and see right into our living room. Normally not a problem – except when I’m naked and red. You can guess the rest of this story – but make sure you include my high pitched scream.

Welcome to my world of embarrassing happenings. I blame it all on my job.

**EDIT** Oh, that’s right, I have a red eye that matches with my red skin. Wooo, all sex appeal over here. ***


Chang-Thunk

5:00am this morning:

CJ and I are sleeping. The alarm is set to go off at 6:00am and then a flurry of us running around and getting out of the house in 20 minutes ensues.

5:01am

We both wake up by the sound of hail. Sweet Jesus – hail in July? That hasn’t happened in a while. We talk for a minute about how annoying it is and then realize that the hail is not hitting properly. Chang-thunk. Chang-thunk. This hail is hitting twice? We look out the window and see rocks being thrown towards our window; bouncing off the wall and then hitting the patio. Chang-thunk.

After a minute of staring at each other to decide who was going to go outside and deal with the rock thrower; I win the task by blinking. I throw some clothing on, cursing the drunk idiot friend of ours who dares wakes us up. You see, we live downtown – close to all the bars. We often get woken up when our idiot friends don’t have enough cab money or lose their cell phones. But usually we get woken up on the weekend. Not on a Tuesday morning. I walk outside just as another rock comes hurling towards the patio. This one almost hits me!

I look over the patio and see two guys holding rocks on the ground. Instead of seeing some dumb friend’s of ours; I don’t recognize these boys.

“Why are you throwing rocks?”
“I forgot my key! I’m trying to wake my roommate up!”
“He doesn’t live here!”
“No, we live above you”

The apartment above us? With the small patio that throws their cigarette butts onto our larger patio? The one where the boys who lived there walked inside when I tried to introduce myself? That one? I look at the boys again, trying to adjust my eyes – these do not look like the boys from upstairs.

“Let me in! I forgot my key! Buzz me in!”
“I don’t know you! I’m not letting you in! Call the super and Stop Throwing Rocks!”
“No, I can’t wake the super he’ll charge me $50!”

These boys are clearly drunk. They are dressed as if they had been downtown – douche bag designer shirts with the collars popped and jeans. We live in a schmancy apartment building where the rent makes me cry a little on the inside every month. I don’t want to judge but you should be able to afford the $50 if you are dumb enough to forget your keys, because you were drinking on a Monday night. My anger starts to boil now.

“Listen! Assholes! Some of us need to be awake in less than an hour and do not appreciate being awoken at 5am by two drunk little boys throwing rocks at our windows. I am not letting you in. I am not calling the super for you. But if you throw one more rock at my window you will regret it”

The boys look at me dumbfounded. I don’t think they expected to be yelled at. They walk away from my window and towards the front door.

5:15am
I snuggle back into bed after briefing CJ on how the neighbours are REALLY going to hate me now.

5:30am
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMPITY-THUMP-THUMP.

Nope, that’s not our door being pounded on. That’s the one upstairs with the drunk boys trying to wake their roommate. The roommate I suspect is either not home or passed out cold. Again, schmancy apartment building with soundproofing throughout. They have to be hitting REALLY hard in order for us to be hearing it.

I close our bedroom door and the sound is muffled. I try to go back to sleep.

5:45am
Pounding has been going on for 15 minutes. I am almost ready to call the super when the pounding stops. Finally. I don’t really want to call a noise complaint on anyone. I just want to yell at them for waking me up.

I now have to be up in 15 minutes. Today is not going to be a good day.


Arrrrr, Matey

I got my hair done today (yay!)

While getting my hair washed, I sneezed and something went POP!

I broke a blood vessel in my eye.
After consulting the diet coke stealing doctor (more about him later) and learning I was not going to die, I am left with a bloody mess in my eye.

I’m also going out tonight and going to see loads and loads of people I care about looking pretty for (ie. girls I don’t like very much).

So… Eyepatch anyone?
Aunt Lily Style from Pushing Daisies?
http://www.dressingdaisies.com/?page_id=98


Jerk It.

Thunderheist and coffee in the morning is the breakfast of champions.
Happy Friday!


Wikipedia. Part 1.

Alternative Titles:
Why I am going to become the smartest person in the entire universe.

OR
Reasons I am the most annoying person to watch tv with.

OR
Dude. I wiki/google every question I ever think of.

My iPhone app Wikiamo keeps a one week history of everything I look up. I thought I’d share that list with you now. I will not comment on the contents of this list. Nor will I edit this list and take off the embarrassing parts. Just know that I really do look up everything and read the entire entry. Also, I’m twisted.

July 1st – July 7th
Ennui
Jumping the Shark
Ted McFinley
Freaks and Geeks
High School Musical
Lucas Grabeel
Waynes World
Tia Carrere
Lindy Booth
Fried Green Tomatoes (film)
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
Mary Stuart Masterson
Revolutionary Road (book)
Revolutionary Road (film)
Sam Mendes
American Beauty
Thora Birch
Carol Connors (pornographic actress)
Deep Throat (film)
Mena Suvari
DANTE
Dante Alighieri
Divine Comedy
Henry VIII
Empress Matilda

That doesn’t even cover what I googled or looked up on the laptop/desktop.


Procrastination.

My attention span is not working for me today.

I should be working. Hard. Diligent. Deadline is looming. I’m normally very good at motivating myself and getting to work. I’ve been called “ruthlessly efficient” by a very important business man. He then offered me a job. I turned it down. I now work for myself. It’s been going really well because I don’t need someone to tell me what to do. I get stuff done. I’m highly motivated.

But today… today… I daydream. I make a list of all the things I need to do in order to get work done. I look at the stacks of paper on my desk. I just don’t feel like tackling them today. Unfortunately I need to get some billable time in. I sit with a bank statement and doodle on it. I then erase the doodles. One can not give a client back paperwork covered with flowers. I’ve somehow wasted four hours … doing … nothing. I revise the list of things I need to do. I need to get my stuff done today.


The Hitch List

I’ve just stumbled across the most interesting blog. http://thehitchlist.blogspot.com/.  The idea behind The Hitch List is to do various things before one gets married. Started by someone who just wants to make her way in the world, I find the idea interesting. But at first I was completely insulted.

 Why is it that one insists that by settling down you can not experience life anymore? That you need to have all your shit figured out before you commit? Can one who gets married, or for that matter be in a relationship, never again have an adventure?

 Full disclosure time:

I’m getting married in June 2010. I met CJ when I was 19 years old. Within two months we had fallen in love and moved in together. Seriously. We have that sickening relationship that my girlfriends talk about being perfect. We aren’t perfect but we do have an awesome relationship that allows us to have personal freedom. We have both done amazing things together and apart in our five years together.

 So, going into reading the blog I had my guard up a bit. I was ready to trash this idea completely as a waste of time – part of the “I need to discover myself” bullshit that so many of us claim to need in our lives when really we can’t face ourselves in the mirror, accept and love that person as is.

 Then I read the smart and witty writing. I read the list very carefully. Realization: I’ve done most items on this list. At least those that interest me. While I don’t think they are required to be done while being single (save those that are about fooling around with other people) I think they are important enough to be done before walking down an aisle in an expensive white dress.    

I forget, when I’m on my high and mighty horse of relationship advice, that most people haven’t had a wild 18th year filled with enough scandal to give one’s mother a heart attack.  I forget that most people aren’t stubborn like me and have no problem with saying to their significant others “I’m going to run off to Manhattan for a month – you can cover rent right?” Or “Sweetie, I’m quitting my job and starting my own business – cool?” Or be able to stay calm when he comes to you and says “I want to marry you but if you want me to spend that much money on a diamond you best be getting me something fantastic too” or “I’m having a boys night tonight – can you leave the apartment?”

 Mostly, I forget that people often forget who they are when they are in a relationship. That they aren’t comfortable with being themselves with another person – showing their true colours, all of their crazy cards and hoping that the other person will love them anyway.

 Good luck with the Hitch List Polly. Hopefully you find what you are looking for while you are doing it.